On Monday I had an initial consult with my attorney. She is a truly fascinating and intelligent woman who I know will take excellent care of N and I. After meeting with her I discussed with H some of the details of custody arrangements with N and finances...all of that boring stuff. He agreed on everything we discussed (yay!!!) so I decided to call up my attorney and set up a retainer--our separation will be legal.
While you'd think this thought would sadden me--devastate me, even--it doesn't. Not even a little bit. The thought of being *me* again and having *my* life back is amazing. While I love H more than anything, we just couldn't get along anymore. It was as if we were two strangers living under one roof (funny...I always heard people say that, but never understood it until now...). Don't get me wrong, I'd love more than anything for H to come home tomorrow and say this was all a mistake and that he loves me and wants everything to be the way it used to be, but I know this isn't going to happen. I've somehow allowed myself to become okay with everything. I'm starting not to feel embarrassed about having a failing marriage. I haven't worn my wedding rings in 5 days. I'm starting to tell people that my husband moved out. I'm somehow at peace. I don't know how, but I am, and I like it.
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